You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis Chan

You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity Reviews

• 
  Matthew

  I would have rated this book higher if the subject matter was as advertised. My wife and I decided to attend a marriage class at church and this was the accompying book. We have taken other courses at our church where the subject matter was on point with the reading materials providing key parts of scripture to emphasize the content (Dave Ramsey comes to mind). Instead, this book was all about the difficulties and struggles of being Christian with a little bit about marriage and family thrown in.
  
  Now, if you are a Christian and reading this review you might say, "Well, Matthew, being a Christian isn't always easy, were you expecting the content to be a cakewalk?" To that I say that I never expect these courses or the content to be easy (that is why we are interested in taking them to enrich ourselves - if it was easy, we probably wouldn't bother!) However, I expect it to be accessible and relevant. If I gave Dave Ramsey to a non-Christian I would feel pretty good that they would enjoy it, gain lots of insight, and maybe the Christian parts of it would have an impact, but it wouldn't push them away from the awesome advice. With this book, I think only hardcore Christians will make it past chapter one and they would not really gain a lot about marriage.
  
  So, I can't really recommend this as a marriage guide and I can only really recommend it as a Christian book if you want to self-flaggelate and feel guilty about how you are not doing Christianity right. I am sure that the authors are great people, but they just don't sell Christianity in a way that works for me.
  
  (Note: my wife and I both realized we felt the same way without prompting reach other. That should tell you something.)
• 
  Elizabeth

  As a former marriage blogger, I've read a lot of Christian marriage books. A LOT. Reading the tagline - "Marriage in light of eternity" - gave me hope that this one would be good. And while it certainly isn't awful and the Chans make some great points, it simply isn't a 4 or 5 star marriage book compared to the great ones that are currently on the shelves. It doesn't even come close to Keller's The Meaning of Marriage or Tripp's What Did You Expect? or Tim Kimmel's Grace Filled Marriage.
  
  What I do appreciate is 1) the gospel focus, 2) the call to put marriage in perspective and realize that it has eternal purposes and 3) the emphasis on humility (modeled after Christ) being a cornerstone of a godly marriage. Many other marriage books neglect these core concepts.
  
  That being said, I felt like the Chans were sidetracked by their oft-repeated criticism of American Christians; the chapters often veered away from the topic of marriage to once again call out Christian laziness. Furthermore, I felt like they even wavered on their opening strong point that we focus too much on marriage instead of putting God first; in the section immediately following this argument (written by Lisa), they then argue that the stakes are too high for us to ignore our marriage. Well, which is it? And the last chapter on parenting was so out of place; if you want to write about how to be a godly parent, a marriage book is not the place for it. It was in this section that I also felt they missed an opportunity to honestly grapple with the tension between following God's call on our lives without idolizing family but yet not ignoring the biblical call to disciple our own children. Francis directly states that it's more important for him to be traveling and speaking than coming to every ball game but when children resent their parents for involving themselves in ministry, it isn't because of missing an event, it's because those ministry parents missed them as people, people who also need Jesus! Not once was the very real problem of fathers neglecting the discipleship of their own kids in favor of ministry addressed. Despite the dismissal of this situation, it is a real problem with those who haven't learned to biblically hold the two callings in tension.
  
  All in all, it isn't horrible or unbiblical. It just isn't good compared to what's out there. I suspect that anyone who loves Francis Chan will find this book to be amazing, but for me, it fell flat.
• 
  Noel Burke

  I gave this book five stars because I have never been more challenged by a marriage book than by this one. It makes me wonder if I should go back and adjust the star rating on previous marriage books. This book was not your typical, "let's fight less and love each other more" kind of book. Sure it talked about that stuff, but the focus was on our first love, that being God. What does it mean to be a Christ follower and be married too? Do we stop being a committed Christ follower when we get married? Do we put Christ on the back burner because we have other priorities? What should we be modeling for our kids? What does it mean to pursue Christ, while married, and especially when we get older? The last chapter discussing out walk with Christ as we age was particularly challenging. Chan made the analogy that a marathon runner breaks his race in to two parts and compared it to the life of a Christian. The goal is to run the second half of the race faster than the first half. Chan's perspective is that many older Christians completely do the opposite in their walk with Christ. They are so focused on comfort or obtaining more material things (leisurely walking the second half of the race) when they should be sprinting towards the finish line working for the Kingdom of God and proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their daily lives. Wow! If you read only one marriage book this year, or perhaps two years, make this your choice. I will be considering the concepts in this book for a long time and I hope that my marriage reflects what I read in this book.
  
  A bonus is that Francis and Lisa Chan are the ones who recorded this version of the audiobook. They are very effective communicators and I really appreciated hearing their message directly from them. Listened on my iPod.
  
• 
  V Lynn McCabe Jr

  "A Christ-centered marriage and eternity-minded marriage is not the same thing as a 'fun' marriage."
  "Most marriage problems are not really marriage problems. They are God problems."
  "If we don't stare at God, we'll spend our time staring at lesser things. Namely, ourselves."
  "Our lives (and marriages) should make it believable that there is a God."
  "Ultimate victory is knowing that you have honored Christ at any cost, and your conscience is at rest in His presence."
  "Your best shot at having a beautiful marriage is if both of you make it your goal to become like Jesus."
  "For those who have the Spirit in them, there is a longing to be in the battle. We want to be used. We want to be part of His mission."
  "Unity is the natural result of two people following one Spirit in a life devoted to the mission."
  "If you'd rather watch your kids grow up than see the face of your Savior today, you don't grasp the beauty of God."
  "Marriage is not the source of joy...Joy is something we bring into our marriages because we are being filled with joy in our walk with God."
  "What will break my heart more? If my kids don't end up loving me? Or if they don't end up loving Jesus?"
  "Children who grow up ruling the house will soon find themselves questioning God's right to give commands that go against how they think or feel."
  "Make sure the mission of God is the priority in your life. Let your kids see, and give them opportunities to join you in serving God."
  "We can't wait until Christ returns, so we gather up riches to set up a counterfeit paradise. We try to isolate our family in a safe community and provide ourselves with whatever our hearts desire. We try to create our own heaven on earth."
  "Those who decide to follow Jesus have signed themselves up for a life of suffering. The solution is not to dodge trials but to persevere through them."
  
• 
  Robin

  Love and respect Francis Chan on many levels, however, this book should have been called 'Crazy Love 2' and not be called a book on marriage. I appreciate the call to kingdom living and that couples should focus on that instead of just marriage (amen!), but that's pretty much all this book says about marriage. The rich metaphor of what marriage points to was not explored at all. I was hoping for more depth. The book reads like he preaches---kind of all over the place. Don't get me wrong. Francis Chan is an amazing speaker and modern-day prophet. Lots here to be convicted about in regards to radical obedience and making disciples. The "call to action" is helpful at the end of each chapter and Lisa's perspective in each chapter was good too. However, disappointed on my end overall with this.
• 
  Cara Putman

  A personally challenging perspective on marriage. Really made me think and consider what I am doing. The exercises at the end of each chapter are a great tool to evaluate your faith and your marriage.
• 
  Joy

  Amazing book! Highly recommended!!
  
• 
  Claire

  While I think this book was good and had some good themes for any Christian no matter their relational status, I think that this book could have just been entitled "Me Forever: Living in Light of Eternity" since most of it basically talked about the importance of living in light of eternity and not letting worldy things distract you. So, good thoughts, just not really much of a relationship book.
• 
  Chris Hokanson

  Shallow theology and writing that talks down - often yells - at the reader. Presented as a book by both Chan and his wife, but her parts only make up about 10-15% of the content.
  You'll like this book if: You really miss middle school church youth group.
• 
  Jeremy Smith

  Need to know if this is a book you should read?
  
  Reasons this is not for you:
  - If you are not a fan of Chan's past books, this reads just like them.
  - If you want some practical marriage tricks, you won't find it here.
  - If you are an individual that is reading this by yourself, there is not much for you.
  - If you're looking to have more than a basic understanding of a Christ-centered marriage, then reading this book is just preaching to the choir.
  
  Why you should read it:
  - It's bold.
  - It hits points that I feel most Christian marriages fail to do all of the time.
  - It's perfect if you read with your spouse and actually have discussions between chapters. (Small groups!?)
  
  I don't hate the book, but I found myself coming up with more reasons than not to read this book and have spent my money. This really could be a great premarital counseling and marital counseling book for pastors to use!
• 
  pianogal

  I like Francis Chan. I've never heard him preach, but I think he would be good to listen to. He always makes good points.
  This book, however, was a little disappointing for two reasons. 1) It's really not about marriage. It's more about eternity and how marriage and family fits into that. Not bad, just not what I was expecting. And 2) Chan can get a little over the top of preaching to & converting the masses.
  
  I get it. That's his gift. And I understand that people with that gift think it should be everybody's gift. But it's not. Some of us are not blessed with the ability to walk up to other people and just start talking about Jesus. They forget that we serve in other ways and in some case might be more effective from our behind the scenes post than they want to be from their in your face position. We all have different gifts and don't need to try to be like anyone else. God will use us where we are.
  
  Thank you. That is all. (lol)
• 
  Mary

  SO good! Incredibly convicting! More focused on living for Christ as a married person than improving your marriage relationship. Powerful, life-changing message.
• 
  Danette

  This was better than I was expecting.
  
  Listened to the audio
  
  2022 A book on relationships
• 
  Leah Beecher

  Ok, so this not very thick book took over a year to finish.
  That is because I read it with my husband. Have you any idea how long it takes for parents who both work and have four children all under the age of 15 to find the time to read and finish a thought- provoking-note-jotting book? Fifteen months apparently, actually. I answered my own question.
  What I loved about it:
  #1 Francis Chan's opening chapter stating: "marriage is not that great"! Mind you this is not some modern progressive self-help-self-aware piece of non fiction. This is an Evangelical Pastor. Now Francis was of course making a sarcastic point {generous spoonfulls of sarcasm being ranked #2 on my what I loved about it list}.
  Why is marriage not that great? According to Francis and Lisa Chan, and they are drawing from the divine inspiration of the Word of God, because Christ is so much better. The marriage covenant can not help but pale in comparison to the Christ covenant.
  With this book the Chans have made the mind blowing and scandalous declaration that God's Word never told us to Focus on the family. God's Word makes is explicitly clear to die to self and serve those around you. Surprise, surprise, when men and women start doing that very difficult and uncomfortable life choice the person we wake up with every day is going to be impacted for the better. Then all the people in your home.
  Subsequent chapter highlights a specific area in marriage of, as would be expected. However, in You and Me Forever the first several chapters barely mention marriage. You will have to read it for yourself to understand the full reason for this. To summerize why the book starts this way is because the initial chapters try to get the reader to really think deeply and relevantly about God being near right now because of Christ. Without this understanding, trying to save your crappy marriage will be impossible. Trying to keep your healthy marriage going in hard times will be impossible too.
  As personal testimony, each chapter we read together we were surprised at what The Spirit of God revealed in very specific ways in our lives.
  Isn't that the whole point of these self help Christian books?
• 
  Todd Coburn

  This book has amazing insight for Christian couples on how to build a great marriage.
  
  It is not like the other marriage help books. It's insight flies in the face of much of what I've seen taught in other books on marriage.
  
  Yet the book has Biblical insight on marriage that is more useful and accurate than any other I have seen.
  
  I suspect this book will be of little use to folks who are not Christians (Christians are folks who have surrendered to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and who earnestly desire to please Him).
  
  Yet for Christians, this book will speak truth and provide insight that is Biblical, true, and that probably has the best chance of helping you develop a deeper, richer marriage.
  
  Not that I am any expert on marriage, but I find the Holy Spirit within me leaping in support of many of the principles that Francis & Lisa painted across the pages of this book.
  
  The book is also elegantly and artfully written, so it is an easy and enjoyable read.
  
  If you are a Christian and want a deeper, richer, Biblical marriage, then this book is worth every cent, and it's insight will last a lot longer than that latte whose scent may be drifting though your thoughts at this moment.
• 
  Katie Krombein

  This was a hard book to read because of the gravity of questions asked and the time spent praying over the subject matter of each chapter--for wisdom, for areas of personal conviction, for direction from God for what it would look like in our family practically....overall my only complaint is that it sets up an ideal and there aren't many practical examples of the outworkings. But I know my husband and I will continue praying and wrestling through what our life mission looks like. My fave chapter was "what's really best for the kids?"
• 
  Natalie

  I had trouble rating this one. It was inspiring and challenging, but on the other hand, felt a bit off. As a homeschooling mum of 9, my mission field is my family. The secular world tells me this is not enough. And I felt this book told me this is not enough. That I am placing too much emphasis on my children and need to go out and make disciples. This may be what God called the Chans to do, but He doesn’t ask everyone to do this. We need more women at home making disciples - the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.
• 
  Matt

  You and Me Forever is not about marriage. It is about individuals seeking a relationship with Christ, with a sentence or two at the end of each chapter about how your spouse should seek the same relationship with Christ. Definitely not a bad book, but it simply isn't a marriage book. The one exception is the chapter about raising children in a Christian family. That chapter is spot on and I would give it 5/5 stars.
• 
  Josh Miller

  Quite different than most marriage books I have read. First and foremost, the authors point to a person's relationship to Jesus Christ as the greatest advice for a good marriage. Absolutely loved the approach to the subject matter! Not your typical "fluff" marital book on the market. I recommend this book for all married couples and anyone preparing for marriage!
• 
  Heather

  Wow this book is so much more than for married couples. It challenges you to be a better Christian and your relationship with God first and how everything else falls in place. This is a you but not just a marriage book. Recommend for all to read. I read it slower just to get and think on the content within the pages.
• 
  Nicole N. (A Myriad of Books)

  There are a few reasons why I stay away from so-called "Christian" books, but it's been a while since I read anything non-fiction, let alone Christian. A few of my girlfriends and I picked this over C.S. Lewis's
  The Weight of Glory, Fitzpatrick's
  Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life, and
  For the Love: Fighting for Grace in a World of Impossible Standards. We're all married. Seriously, I think that was the deciding factor. Oh, also, you can download the app and read the book for free or--in my case--listen to it for free, which I did, and regret a bit because I have a feeling in affected how I viewed the book.
  
  For one, I don't like the narrators who are, coincidentally, the authors, Francis and Lisa Chan. It's not that I don't like them per se, it's just that they don't read with a lot of enthusiasm so it was definitely a turn off, but I kept pushing through because well, FREE. That might be mean of me to say but it's the truth. I've never heard Chan preach before so I don't know if that's how he speaks all the time, but overall, I did eventually get used to it and accepted it.
  
  Also, this didn't exactly read like a marriage book. Granted, the only other book I've read on the subject of marriage is
  Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship & Life Together and these books differ greatly.
  
  The main focus of this book to me felt how to live your life and work on your marriage in light of the future, in light of God's sovereignty, and, as the title states, in light of eternity. What are you as a spouse doing in your marriage, with your children, with your spouse, that will ultimately bring God glory in the long run? Those are some the essential questions, and truthfully, it really came down to one question: Do you have the Holy Spirit living inside of you? For a few chapters, I thought this was a book about the Holy Spirit and how it can affect our lives rather than a book about marriage!
  
  Honestly, I don't know if it was conviction or guilt that made me not like the book anymore than the general "it was okay." Was it because I didn't have an actual print copy? I don't know. I felt like I couldn't glean very much from this book about marriage other than to keep striving through, and to keep asking yourself that is what I'm doing bringing God glory? Will God, in the end, be proud of me for the things I have done in my marriage and with my spouse and how I raised my children (chapter 6, highly irrelevant to me but my understanding was: be a parent first, not a friend).
  
  Chan does often reiterate our sinful nature and how we often go down a path that God has not called us down, but he is also quick to remind us that God will always bring us back, and that there is hope even when we feel like our whole life is failing.
  
  But yeah, not super intense or deep like I thought it would be.
• 
  Melyssa Williams

  I was disappointed in this. I've read Francis Chan before and thought it was better than this. Possibly they make better videos together than write books together. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, and if you are newly married, you might find some nuggets in it. But if you've been married and are part of a church family for more than ten minutes, it's all very basic: Christian Marriage 101. I also took offense at all the "do, do, do," and even a part where he challenges the reader that now that they know his interruption of a particular scripture, to not follow his challenges would be sinning. There's a lot of checklist mentality - especially for the husband - and not a lot of Jesus, I felt. After all the lists of things to do they of course remind us we are saved by grace, but it felt very much an afterthought to me. I come with baggage about devotionals and about well-known 'celebrity preachers,' so I may have read it with cynical eyes however. If you read it in the eager and helpful vein of which it was more than likely written, you'll enjoy it and probably get more out of it than I did. I stopped about halfway through, and skimmed the end where it got to parenting and then just felt overwhelmed with how badly I've done thus far. Probably not necessarily the feeling they meant to leave me with, but you can't unring a bell, and those of us who have teens now and have parented according to whatever "biblical" child raising advice/books/trend were popular at the time, we already feel like crap (I PARENTED GOD'S WAY, GOSH DARN IT!) and don't want a reminder of everything we've done wrong thus far. We just want to love the heck out of our kids and our spouses and Jesus, and pray that that is enough. And really, it is.
• 
  Doug Dale

  This book is good. It's just not Francis Chan good. I love almost everything Francis Chan puts out ("Crazy Love", the "BASIC" DVD series, etc.) so my hopes were very high for this marriage book from him and his wife. It didn't live up to my expectations. Again, it had a lot of good content, just nothing you could not get from other, often better, marriage books. I was hoping for more about marriage while living life on-mission for Christ. It's there, but not to the extent I was hoping for.
  
  My wife and I have gone through the book together and that did create the opportunity for some good discussion, so that was valuable, but I think we both felt the same way about the book overall. We also had high hopes for the accompanying (and now free) videos, but those felt thrown together and improvised and sometimes felt only marginally related to what was in the chapter in the book.
  
  Perhaps others will be more helped by this book. I certainly hope so. I know I will still look forward to what Francis Chan does in the future.
• 
  C.G.Koens

  I don't like marriage books... but I've already purchased copies of "You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity" to give away during this marriage and anniversary season.
  
  It's really not about marriage, it's about a personal relationship with Christ, and how that can, will, and should affect every area of your life. This isn't about, "date nights" and "how to change", it's about realizing that if you're where you should be with God, then your marriage (and your parenting) will fall into place.
  
  Highly recommend. If you're going to read ONE book on marriage (outside of the Bible), this would be my pick.
  
  NOTE: I know some folks don't care for Francis Chan. Truth be told, this is the only book of his I've read (no interest in his others - personal preference), but whether you like Francis Chan or not, I recommend this book because the content is worth reading.
• 
  Kyle Robertson

  This is one of the best books about marriage and family I've ever read. It is well written and easy to read, but it really makes you stop and analyze your priorities in life. I like that each chapter has perspectives from both Francis and Lisa Chan, complete with copious scriptural references. They guide you through how to make each other a priority, how to fight effectively, how to make the most of your time together, and how to effectively provide your children a religious foundation. Each chapter ends with critical thinking questions and a call to action. This book is perfectly designed for small group study. If you liked Crazy Love, you are going to love this book.
• 
  Rachelle Cobb

  I remember hearing about this title from a friend; she and her boyfriend were reading through it together and recommended it to me as a big-picture sort of book. That's exactly how I'd describe it, too. There are plenty of books with practical tips on approaching relationships; this is not one of them. Instead, the authors approach the subject of marriage as a temporary thing that serves a greater purpose. What is that greater purpose? What is marriage about anyway? What difference does a Gospel-oriented focus on love make? I read this book in just a couple days completely on my phone. This book is available in its entirety in the app!
• 
  Ana Avila

  No es el libro más completo acerca del matrimonio (de hecho, ni siquiera trata mucho acerca del matrimonio) pero creo que es un buen complemento para libros como “Los pecadores dicen acepto” o “El significado del matrimonio”.
  
  Después de todo, el matrimonio no trata del matrimonio, sino de la gloria de Dios. Los Chan nos recuerdan que lo más importante para tener un buen matrimonio no es enfocarte en tener un buen matrimonio, sino enfocarte en la eternidad.
  
  Fui animada y confrontada con esta lectura, ¡la disfruté!
• 
  April

  I had hoped that this book would be for couples already on board with living on mission together, but found that it's actually more about trying to convince already married folks to re-orient their inward-focused lives to God's mission. So I was really starting to get a "preaching to the choir" feel after awhile. I just wanted a grittier, deeper exploration of what it means to really go for it and live for the kingdom! The instructional videos were more helpful than the book.
• 
  Daniel Garnett

  My wife and I read this book together and this radically changed the way we look at marriage. In other words, marriage is not about us! It is about making Christ known through living obediently in a relationship with Him and when we do that then our marriage will grow as a result. I would recommend this book to any married couple and engaged couple.
• 
  Teri Sobeck

  This was a super challenging book for me. I read it with my church small group and we used the video curriculum as well. I would definitely recommend going through this book with a group or at least another couple so you can talk things out, it really helps.