Born Both: An Intersex Life by Hida Viloria

Born Both: An Intersex Life Reviews

• 
  Crystal Starr Light

  Bullet Review:
  
  Rounding up to 4-stars because while this memoir is flawed, it is bringing something to light that is HUGELY important in our society.
  
  I venture to say that the first half is the strongest, with a cohesive narrative while the second half reads as a litany of various projects and activism that Hida participates in.
  
  This book will HUGELY challenge you in talking about sex and gender, even more than I thought possible in this day of marriage equality and trans visibility. Sometimes I had trouble wrapping my head around it, when sex is used to describe like 13 different things (biological sex, assigned sex, sex as a synonym for gender, etc.). Part of that is modern society's blurring of the issue.
  
  Full review:
  
  Disclosure: I received this free from Amazon Vine. This did not influence the rating whatsoever.
  
  NOTE: I acknowledge I am a white, cisgendered female, so I am reading Hida's story as a privileged outsider being given the honor to learn something new. Thanks to Hida for their courage and the gift of their story.
  
  NOTE: Hida’s pronouns as of 2021 are they/them and my review has been updated accordingly. If incorrect pronouns are still present, I will update appropriately. My intention is NOT to misgender anyone or to use incorrect pronouns; I am more than willing to apologize and correct myself. Any mistakes are my own and were not made in malice.
  
  Hida Viloria was born with "ambiguous genitalia", but unlike most intersex children born in the late 1960's, they were not subjected to gender normalization surgeries. They lived with their enlarged female genitalia as a "normal" female child.
  
  It wasn't until Hida was in their 20's and living in San Francisco when they first came across the word "intersex" - and then the realization hit that they were intersex. They spent many years figuring out what intersex meant to them, and became a spokesperson for the entire community - appearing on Inside Edition, Oprah, and more. At the time of the book's writing, they run the OII-USA, which is an intersex organization in the USA working on promoting intersex visibility.
  
  Hida's memoirs opens the door on something we just don't talk about much - our bodies, sex, whether there is male/female or more than that, and what it means to be male/female/intersex. It's hugely appropriate for their memoir to come out now, with marriage equality, the transgender bathroom bills and transgender activists like Laverne Cox and Jazz Jennings. I applaud Hida for breaking down barriers, being unashamed to talk about themselves especially such a private part. Through their activism, they are making young intersex people realize there is nothing shameful with their bodies and educating parents about how trying to "fix" their genitals can create more problems than it solves. They are also a living example of a person who rejects our highly binary gender roles - that you MUST choose between being a woman or being a man. Between looking pretty, wearing make-up and dresses and being tough and having short hair. (Among other things.) This binary is something that my sibling and I discuss a lot, as the binary suits neither of us well.
  
  That said, I feel like in places the book was far too long and far too short and in places far too repetitive. The first half is definitely the best, as it has a narrative and flow. It paints the setting for Hida's young adult years, their exploration of being a lesbian, their exploration of being intersex and switching from girl to boy to girl to boy to ultimately neither and both. As I am thinking about this, a day after finishing, I can vividly repaint some of the scenes in the early book, they stick with me so well. As for the latter half - well, it mostly reads like a summary of activism Hida has been involved in, along with more philosophy on sex and gender and appropriate terminology (according to Hida - they are okay, for instance with "hermaphrodite" and "herm" (ETA: at least as of the writing of this book) while other intersex persons do not like that). It's far more tedious than the first half; sometimes I feel like it's just a bunch of random dates (with new friends peppering the entries that never have the nice background and fleshed out "character" that friends like Jade and Beth had in the beginning section).
  
  And then the repetition! Good lord! In the middle of the book particularly, Hida relates numerous events that feel like the same story with the same lesson - something happens (usually they start dating someone), they "become" one gender (man or woman) and then something bad happens (the breakup) in which they realize - they are neither man nor woman, so they should start combining the two sides. It's frustrating, because instead of feeling like it's a revelation (after the 3rd or 4th time hearing the variation of this story), I feel like it's justification - which of course, Hida does NOT need. I suppose as a human being, we often have these revelations multiple times in our lifetime (coming from a religious background, I am reminded of those people responding to alter calls or rededicating their lives to Christ because they have "fallen away" - or in my personal life, having to realign how I eat to life a more healthy life). Perhaps it would not have felt so repetitive if Hida had mentioned relearning this or rediscovering this fact, but it felt to me that every time they mentioned it, it was as if discovering it for the first time.
  
  Hida is unafraid of speaking rather bluntly about the intersex community and the division in it. Most people wouldn't want to air "their dirty laundry", but in this case, Hida is so concerned that intersex people will think of themselves as broken and "wrong" that they are willing to be honest to make sure everyone realizes how beautiful they are.
  
  A book like this is hard to review, because I am not one to judge a person's life story. I think Hida wrote the most authentic memoir they could. They shared their story for young people like themselves seeking some answers. If one person is encouraged by this memoir, then it doesn't matter how belabored and boring the second half is - the book would have been more than worth the time Hida spent writing, the publishing costs, etc.
  
  I do recommend everyone read this book. Open your mind, your heart and listen to Hida. Remember that the world is filled with many types of people, and try to put your own ego on the shelf and accept your fellow human being - whether that person is male, female, neither or both.
• 
  Kate

  An illuminating memoir by an intersex activist. It’s not particularly well-written and I think it could have been shorter but it’s an important book on a topic that isn’t talked about enough.
• 
  Barb

  I'm so glad that Hida Viloria shared her life experiences in this memoir, she is amazingly candid about her anatomy and sexuality in a way I thought was helpful to understanding her experience. I thought the first hundred pages were fascinating.
  
  She talks about dressing like a man and using the women's rest room and people using male pronouns to refer to her. Her experiences reminded me of another book about gender identity called 'Self Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back Again' by Nora Vincent. Nora impersonates a man and shares her insights, she has different reasons for doing so, but with similar results.
  
  Hida is an outspoken leader in promoting the rights of and empowering intersexed people around the world, she's a brave inspiration to anyone who feels marginalized or different. I admire her willingness to share her experiences and her determination to fight for what she believes in. I was glad to have read her memoir.
  
  I was a little disappointed that her editors didn't encourage her to tighten up the narrative which gets bogged down toward the later half of the book with repetition and lack of forward momentum. Hida has done so much to open up people's minds about accepting people who are born intersexed that it would have been nice to focus more on the positive impact she's had. The discussion and debate about using the designation DSD (the term that refers to intersexed people as individuals with disorders of sex development) is important and worthy reading but it could have been consolidated with the same or better impact.
  
  I also thought it was counterproductive to the story as a whole to include the four day trip to Black Rock City, Utah, which reads like an advertisement promoting tripping on acid. I have to be honest and tell you that I do not censor what my children (15 yrs. and 12 yrs old) read, period. However, I do encourage them to read a whole sh*t ton of stuff by making it available and accessible to them. When I read the first hundred pages I thought this would be a great book for my daughter to read. After reading Hida's endorsement for tripping on acid it made me pause and reconsider if I would recommend the book to her or not. I wish the author and editor had been thinking about the potential impact a book like this could have for young people. As it is I can't really recommend it to young readers, which disappoints me. Adult readers should also know the book has graphic descriptions and a healthy dose of swearing, none of which should turn readers away from reading this eye opening memoir.
• 
  Barbara Carter

  I seem to be on quite the bad run of books lately. The last three boos I’ve read have lost me at the halfway point.
  
  This book, like the previously other two, started out really interesting. I was fascinated by learning more about the author who is intersexed/hermaphrodite. Intersex a term I’d never heard of before.
  
  One in 2000 people are born as intersex, having both male and female traits.
  
  There were many times in the book the author writes: my clitoris is large, enough that it resembles a small penis. That became a bit repetitious, but I could overlook it.
  
  The part where the author really lost me is the chapter about going to the Burning Man event. If every chapter of a book is to move the story forward, I do not know what the point of this chapter was.
  But I continued on, but the book only got worse from there.
  There was just too much about her activism. I feel that part of the book lost the connection I felt to the author.
  
  Yes, I liked being educated about the struggle but I felt I lost the author as a person. That the author became more of a performer. She was on 20/20, Inside Edition, Montel, Tyra Banks, and Oprah. And involved in the Caster Semenya, Olympic controversy.
  
  The author insists that doctors, etc. should recognize that sex comes in more than two categories. That there is a third gender: male, female, and intersex.
  
  I feel horrible learning about the surgeries performed on infants to change them into being male or female. The author was one of the fortunate ones who had not had surgery.
  
  This book has great parts, and some not so great unless you are closely connected to the fight for intersex rights. I do feel a lot more editing should have been done to hold the reader’s interest.
  
  I do thank the author for what I did learn.
  
  
• 
  Bon Tom

  Fascinating topic of intersex. The complexities intersex person have to deal with in their everyday live are, almost by nature, doubled to those of "regular" persons. How about complexities and repercussions of how we use language related to being intersex? Mind crunching.
• 
  Holly Kaplan

  I picked the book up to learn more about the topic and to develop further understanding. I was disappointed in its length (way too long) and poor writing style (redundant and not descriptive). The author has an interesting story, yet too much time was spent discussing how attractive they are, how many drugs they used, how many people want to have sex with them. It was simply boring.
• 
  Laurie

  When Hida Viloria was born, the doctor took he/r father (also a doctor) aside and they had a quiet conversation. Whatever the doctor told he/r father, he rejected, and Hida was presented to he/r mother as a baby girl, and that is how s/he was raised. Hida had a rough life; he/r father was abusive, s/he was drugged and raped at a bar, s/he was a budding lesbian in a culture that doesn’t take well to that. Along with that, s/he struggled with he/r gender identity: was s/he really the girl s/he was raised to be, was s/he male instead, or was s/he somewhere in between?
  
  The answer turned out to be ‘in between’. It took Hida years to figure that out; s/he’d didn’t hear the word ‘intersex’ until 1995. After that, things started falling into place. S/he also learned about female genital mutilation and the common practice in the US of surgically altering intersex babies so their genitals ‘look like’ girls- depriving them of a source of sexual pleasure. S/he has become a writer and an activist for the intersex community, trying to educate the world on gender fluidity and letting babies grow up as they are born.
  
  I found the first part of the book very interesting, as Hida told about he/r journey of discovery. The latter part I found less interesting; it was all about he/r activism and it was very rushed. While I agree he/r activism is incredibly important, it’s just not as interesting to read about. Warning to the sensitive: there are graphic descriptions of sex and violence, as well as liberal use of The Big Swear Word.
  
  Four and a half stars out of five.
  
• 
  Trevor

  A brilliant, extremely important book. I feel we will look back on this book in decades to come as a major turning point in our understanding, awareness, and compassion for intersex people.
• 
  Rosie

  I didn't find this book fierce or brave or shocking any of the other superlatives describing it in its blurbs. I've read many books by and about people who fall outside of the conventional ideas of sexuality, so this was not my first rodeo. This particular book reads more like a poorly written personal diary with a pervasive interest in the size of her clitoris. How big it is, how surprising it is, what she does with it, what other people think of it, how it feels about itself (not really!) etc. And then the subject moves on to what clothes s/he will wear today, will s/he be a boy or a girl, how will she be perceived or reacted to, how will s/he feel about it and so on. I really wanted to like this book but unfortunately it is little more than a narcissistic rant. I even wonder if she is aware that other women have radical variations in clitoris size, shape & length. One begins to feel that she really has little interest in the world outside herself.
• 
  Elizabeth

  I was really into this, found it really interesting and enjoyable (Hida is a very fun sounding person!) but for some reason the last quarter of the book I could NOT stay interested in it, not sure why, it just got more detailed about her activism and the politics with it, and it got fairly dry and draggy and I guess I gave up.
• 
  Nancy

  A very interesting look at gender, the way it is perceived and what it means to not fit the norm. It really opened my eyes. It is a tender subject with more facets than I initially imagined. An important introduction to the issue. I hope it gets a wide audience.
• 
  TammyJo Eckhart

  I had never heard of Hida Viloria and after reading her/his book, I felt a bit ashamed of that fact. But then again, while I know that biological sex is not a duality, I've been so conditioned by society to think in terms of binary that I haven't paid much attention to developments in the recognition of intersex people.
  
  Hida's biography uses a lot of flashbacks but in general it does progress chronologically, showing us her/his journey of self-awareness and social activism. But the book isn't only personal stories and revelations. S/he share the scholarship from the time periods of her/his life. S/he is about my age so I recall a lot of the television shows, political events, and social phenomenon eve if I was going to all of them. I can recall the same news stories about intersex but I didn't know about the debates over using that term or others that "experts" were attempting to develop.
  
  As good as the book is, the powerful and details start to fall apart at the end of the 2012 period. The book continues through 2013, 2014, 2015, and then epilogues into 2016 but the details are much slimmer. Always free with who s/he was in love with or dating, that disappears with "C" and then no one. I'm not sure why the change in details happens. Is Hida in a relationship where her/his partner wants more privacy? Did less happen? If so to either of these then why the book now?
  
  Whether you are also intersex or merely curious about the multitude of ways that biology, society, and the individual connect, if you can have an open mind and have a sense of empathy, you might get a lot out of this book.
  
  Note: I'm using fem/mas pronouns because at the end of the book, this seems to be Hida's preference and I try to respect that.
• 
  Laura

  3.5 stars
  This was very interesting. I learnt many new things about what it is like being intersex and what it means (I didn't have much prior knowledge about it anyway). I was surprised to learn about the extent of the discrimination they face because I had no idea it was happening. I think this book shows the evolution of a movement really well because it follows Hida's whole life and how it took time for her to figure out that she was intersex and then she started fighting to bring awareness and rights for intersex people. Then towards the end of the book, it shows really well how much movements grow as they gain more awareness.
  
  I liked the way this was written as it made it very easy to read: it was as if it was a fiction book. However, towards the end, I would have liked more descriptions about Hida's activism itself (by which I mean the content) and not what exactly happened. I felt that the latter half of the book was basically just: I was invited to this show to speak and I did this and that. It got a bit repetitive but don't get me wrong, it was still interesting to read how Hida went from a "nobody" to such a significant activist in the intersex community. But still, I feel that too much time was spent on telling about the places where Hida was when I wanted to know more about what was said.
  
  Overall, I think this is an important read because the intersex community still needs to get more awareness and more people need to know what it means.
• 
  Susen

  While the subject of this book is important and we must reexamine how we define gender in this day and age, I feel this book gave only a sliver view of the world of the intersex person. This young woman gives an honest account of her body and the emotional pain and confusion she and others go/have gone through. When I heard how some intersex people have been physically mutilated in the name of science and medicine, I was brought to tears.
  
  And while the drugging and drinking she did is tied in to the emotional rollercoaster one rides when one comes from an abusive family, I sometimes wondered exactly what the point of this book was.
  Perfect example of unnecessary story line was the trip to Burning Man. Who the hell cares how much acid you dropped, what you wore and what you ate for breakfast?!
  At that point of the book, I simply turned it off because it seemed like the story was just wandering, obligatory filler from then on.
  
  Also, the narrator did not do a very good job. Their reading was choppy and mangled and at times. The narrator did the book and this story no favors.
• 
  Julie

  This is a fascinating subject to me and the author has obviously been through things I can't even imagine. The book itself though contained too much political background of the movement itself to hold my interest. Ze also seems to vacillate between feelings of extreme confidence almost to the point of haughtiness to sobbing "hide in the bottom of the closet" Insecurity. While the author seems to chalk this up to being intersexed, it does not ring true. The story seems to be told with some distance and detachment to the actual events. It was an interesting read, just not the strong book I was hoping for.
• 
  Karen Ashmore

  OMG this was an eye opening book for me! I can’t believe how unaware I was and am thankful I read this. About the same number of people who were born redhead are born intersex. Some people are born male, some female and some with both genital organs, those formerly known as hermaphrodite but are now known as intersex. This is an amazing book which I highly recommend to everyone who does not understand intersex, which would be 98.3 per cent of all human beings.
• 
  Laura (Book Scrounger)

  Not the book for me, but I'm grateful to be introduced to this topic, and plan to read up on it more. I'm glad that Intersex people have more support now than during the time the author grew up.
  
  In compliance with FTC guidelines, I disclose that I received this book for free through GoodReads' First Reads.
• 
  Melissa McGowan

  I learned so much from reading this book. Being born intersex occurs as frequently as red hair. There are 46 different ways that a human body can be intersex. If you are interested in a good memoir about gender identity and gender identity politics, read this.
• 
  Haleigh

  This book deals with an interesting and important topic that I think most people don't know much about. I agree with other reviewers that the narrative could have been tightened up considerably. Towards the end it does read like just a long list of "I was invited to speak at x event, and I did, and then I was invited to speak at y event, and I did..." The first half is more engaging.
• 
  Helen

  This is a best first book to read, for those interested in intersexuality. The author describes life and activism as an intersex individual. I have background in sexuality study, and I learned a lot from this book.
• 
  Heather Bottoms

  Hilda Viloria is an intersex person and has been a leading activist for the last 20 years. This memoir is helpful in learning more about folks whose identities and bodies lie outside the gender binary. The author is sometimes a bit long winded and repetitive, but I so appreciate their vulnerability and openness. I was glad for the opportunity to learn more.
• 
  Holly Gunder

  Essential reading. Valeria provides insight into a thoroughly misunderstood group of people, humanizing the intersex experience by exploring her life’s journey.
• 
  Donia

  I picked this up at the library not knowing what to expect. I think it is a worthwhile publication for those struggling with the mixed sex issues and I appreciate the authors candor...but...
  
  I have very mixed emotions about this story. On one hand I wanted to give it more stars because as I said, it deals with a subject that may be helpful to a small sector of the population. What impacted me negatively was the voluntary early and graphic very casual sex, drugs and drinking on the part of the author. Obviously she couldn't control the family violence, the horrific father and his abuse which I'm certain led to this behavior but the way her casual drinking and sexual encounters were described in the book in large part were disturbing and almost a brag.
  
  Though I believe I understand the psychology behind all this for me the author's constant and graphic sex lessened the appreciation for the book and the message. Additionally there were gaps in the tale...she is in one place and suddenly the narrative places the reader in another. I'd like to see better editing because as I have stated, I do believe there is tremendous value in this book for those struggling with sexual identity. There are also other messages to be valued. The teachers who couldn't be bothered to pronounce her name correctly despite being corrected; the bullying by the classmates that went unresolved by adults etc.
  
• 
  Joseph Langen

  For a while, I have been trying to make sense of people who were transgender. I have been reading articles and books for and about them and moving toward a better understanding. I was aware of people with indeterminate gender, but did not know much about them.
  
  When I recently saw a review in the New York Times Book Review, I thought it was about time to discover more. The review suggested that Born Both was a combination memoir and textbook. I was more interested in the memoir aspect and found the book mostly just that.
  
  There were allusions to scientific studies and findings, but mostly as it affected Hida’s life which was fine with me. S/he (Hida’s chosen pronoun) wrote of her early experiences in a traditional Hispanic family in which he/r parents were not very accepting of he/r differences, at least at first.
  
  He/r journey was one of internal struggle to make sense of he/r own body as well as her joys and challenges of finding social acceptance. She is very open about the physical challenges he/r body presented. She also recounts the emotional struggle within he/r and he/r to clarify he/r gender identity. S/he discovered that s/he could pass as male or female depending on h/er grooming and dress. S/he also discovered that there were times when s/he felt more male or female emotionally as well. S/he also becomes publicly involved in the cause of intersex people and works on a variety of levels toward greater understanding and acceptance of them.
  
  Hida presents a very honest and straightforward account of how s/he came to terms with what life offered he/r, good and bad. She writes very clearly and immediately drew me into here story. I ended the book with a much better understanding of intersex (formerly labeled hermaphrodite) life, physically, mentally and emotionally.
  
  I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in learning more about the intricacies of sexuality and sexual variations as well as how people approach them on the physical, intellectual and emotional planes.
  
• 
  Anna

  Review forthcoming in Publishers Weekly. This memoir by activist Hida Viloria offers insight into the personal journey of an individual who grew up with only a vague sense of he/r physical difference before discovering in he/r twenties that s/he was intersex. The present-tense narrative and recreated dialogue feel clunky at times, but the author's story will be compelling to people interested in the experience of intersex people. As Viloria was born to immigrant parents from Central America, and comes out as a lesbian in he/r teens, the story also explores race and sexual desire in relation to intersex identity as well.
  
  CONTENT NOTE: The work does contain descriptions of physical and verbal domestic violence (an abusive parent) as well as sexual assault experienced by the author, so readers who need to be aware of those scenes prior to reading should proceed with caution; most of the descriptions of these events happen in the first third of the text.
• 
  Sarah

  Wow. Just, wow. I have never been so captured, so enthralled by a memoir before. I don't identify as intersex, but Ms. Viloria's story was able to give me an idea of what living with that reality is like. It helped me to understand not only the personal struggles an intersex person may face, but also the struggles that the community has been through for the past few decades. In addition to the conversation about intersex people, their identity, and their rights, I feel that the book also speaks to the basic question of "what makes us human?" One surprising statistic shared in the book was how common intersex people are (spoiler alert: as common as people with natural red hair). It's a significant number, and one that definitely shifted my worldview--for the better.
  
  I highly recommend this book for those who want to learn more about intersex people, or for those who identify as intersex and feel isolated. Ms. Viloria's story deserves to be shared.
• 
  Godiva

  Great memoir/biography and fantastic on the information on intersex'd people. I agree wholeheartedly with the perception of intersex and the classification of them as stated by Viloria. I only just recently found out about intersex and how common they are (as much as red heads, natural ones anyways). I'll definitely be more verbal and supportive to this community. Have some other books on my shelf about intersex that I'll be reading as well. This was the only memoir though, the rest are fiction.
• 
  Andy Gooding-Call

  Although it’s not high literature, this book represents an important perspective on intersex life. I do feel like the author struggles with her role as an activist in ways that she doesn’t really explore fully, but considering that she’s had to spend her adulthood talking about her genitals on TV I think she should get whatever privacy she wants elsewhere in her life. It might be nice to have her as a professor if her inclinations ran in that direction, but as things stand, it’s just good to have her book.