Defending Ourselves: A Guide to Prevention, Self-Defense, and Recovery from Rape by Rosalind Wiseman

Defending Ourselves: A Guide to Prevention, Self-Defense, and Recovery from Rape Reviews

• 
  Sabrina

  I wanted to like this book and high hopes for it, but the date-rape debate chapter was horrifying and disgusting. The book starts with four different women talking about how they were raped, and by the author's own reasoning then she would say that the one woman wasn't Really Raped because she'd willingly gone to see the guy twice. She also keeps talking about Extreme Feminists with zero explanation as to what exactly shes referencing. The entire chapter is sprinkled with victim blaming (you must say no clearly otherwise it's not Really Rape), repetitions that women must take responsibility over their actions (as of women haven't been bearing the brunt of fault when men harm them), and repeating sentiments of being overly concerned with the comfort of men ("What harm will be done to him?" "How will that affect his future relations with women?", "We must understand and respect men's fears").
  
  There's also an explanation of what she considers rape and things that she calls "unintentional nonconsent". ugh. She seems to think that if only women took more responsibility of their actions and they say "no" clearly then police would potentially take it more serious. lol
  
  anyway there are a couple things in here that are good but oof the steaming pile of trash that was the date rape chapter ruins the entire book. it smelt of internalized misogyny hiding behind empowering women with basic self defense moves to practice. the safety tips are also easily found in other books such as the gift of fear thats a little more modern.
• 
  Gina

  At various points in the book I was somewhat put off by how it was steeped in patriarchy, but there were also some pretty practical tips. I thought I would rate it higher until the date rape section. There all the talk about victim culture and unintentional nonconsensual sex was pretty bad, but what really got me was that right after pointing out the 1% conviction rate on rapes, said we needed to have sympathy for men's fears of false accusations.
  
  I think it is far more helpful to educate them on the low risks, versus the high frequency of rapes and assaults and the damage they cause. That might have us work more toward solving the bigger problem. No, it's not the only problem, but still.
  
  
• 
  K. Jarboe

  I picked up this book in a bookstore and flipped through it, hoping it could offer some wisdom about rape survival outside of the legal system. Instead, the chapter I opened to argued that "extremist feminists" were ruining any real discourse about rape and that you should take "personal responsibility" (a phrase that has lost real meaning since becoming rightspeak for "caring about others inconveniences me") if you choose to get drunk. It basically said it's not a rapists fault if you send them mixed messages. I'm disturbed that this is not satire, and written by a self-identified feminist.
  
  Then it says there are things we can do to prepare ourselves against rape, by looking for signs? Please! The best kept secret about rape and sexual assault is that only very little of it is caused by nasty, aggressive bros. I've been assaulted by an Eagle Scout, for Christ's sake, because I dared to send him the "mixed message" of having once dated him like 5 years previous. Preventing rape is not about telling women not to get so drunk or send such mixed messages, it's about teaching all people that they are never, ever entitled to another person's body, even if they have had sex with you before, even if you're a really good person so of course what you're doing couldn't be, gasp, RAPE! Yes, yes it is!
  
  The reasons so many rapes go unreported is not because we're afraid of retaliation but because so many rapists are normal men and we know we'll just get embarrassed and ignored by the legal system! Besides, sending someone to prison or being called a liar should not be the only options. For one, how about a society that stops telling drunk girls that they had it coming!