For You Mom, Finally by Ruth Reichl

For You Mom, Finally Reviews

• 
  Judy

  Ruth Reichl only begins to understand the true story of her mother's life years after her death when she opens a box filled with her mother's "diaries" and letters that had been stored in a basement. While her first book, Tender at the Bone, contained some funny and not so funny stories about her mother, who apparently was manic-depressive, in this book, Reichl comes to understand the origins of much of her mother's anxiety and depression. Reichl points out the universal truth that children see their parents through the lens of their own experience. The mother we experience at four years old, 12 years old, 25 years old, etc. is a complete person with complex emotions and experiences that are not fully appreciated by their children. I think that this book struck a cord with me because my mother is almost 87 years old and I still don't think that I truly know her. Sometimes she still makes a comment or an observation, or remembers an experience from her life that is an "aha moment" for me and makes an understanding of some past behavior click into place. This book has caused me to reflect on the fact that my own children--with whom I speak everyday--probably think that they know me more than they do and has also caused me to look at my mother with new eyes.
• 
  Jeslyn

  I was starting to think I would max out at two stars for this read, but by the time I got to the last page of the Afterword, I loved this book. However, the Afterword is KEY - Reichl originally published this without it. Throughout the chapters I felt the main messages of: Having a Career Outside the Home Is the Solution to the Struggles of Homemakers and Mothers in the Home; and Career Work Is What We Are Here to Do, were troubling - that somehow being a wife and mother is a soul-sapping proposition to any who enter therein, and that the spinsters Reichl's grandmother (and mother) first pitied became women they envied.
  
  Speaking as a spinster myself, a lot of the perspective from all three generations with a voice in this book does fall into the "grass is always greener" mindset - I absolutely agree that mothers (and wives without children) need to be able to carve out time for their own refueling, however that might be achieved for them, but to stay single all one's life results in a larger helping of "me time" than most would actually desire, if we're being honest. Alternatively, to "have it all", fulfilling career to offset the doldrums of wife-and-motherhood, could in many cases burn out the very women who see it as the saving solution.
  
  In the Afterword, Reichl addresses these issues in an excellent manner, describing the discussions at book readings from others with similar and varying perspectives, as well as feedback on how this book helped many to view their own mothers in a new, softer light - and that particular benefit sent this book to four-star territory.
  
  At the end of the day, there are many perspectives on marriage, motherhood, singledom - womanhood (and manhood!), and no one can claim to have it all worked out. But this book definitely will make the reader think about them, and continue to evaluate their relationships...and hopefully recommit to improving those relationships.
• 
  Lisa Montanaro

  An extremely quick read. This is a short beautiful memoir about a writer who finally discovers who her mother really was deep down only after her passing. By finding some of her mother's old letters, she was able to fully understand the limitations on her mother, and realize what an unbelievable gift her mother gave her even though she didn't see it when she was growing up. Very touching, raw, and honest. I loved it! It definitely made me think of my mother at times, who also tried to instill in me such a strong sense of independence.
• 
  Susan

  Very slender volume examining changing roles of women with some flinch worthy considerations of our incomplete understanding of our parents, the judgements we make about them from our personal time and space in history. I've given a lot of thought and even some study to how our parents lives, their choices and experiences inform our own and found myself wondering what unspoken and even unconsidered agendas we thrust upon our children. We have things we know we want our kids to learn from us, things we are sure to share with them verbally but what other things do was pass on unknowingly? What things did we fail to notice that our parents were trying to teach us?
  
  As Reichl sifts through her mothers notes and letters she gets a clearer understanding of her mothers "family of origin" and begins to see what her mother hoped for herself and for Ruth and what motivated those hopes. And I found myself thinking how I always thought in a vague way that by the time I was 40, certainly by the time I was 50, I would have "things" (life? myself? my kids? filing my personal paperwork? something!) figured out but instead I still frequently feel like I have a tiger by the tail, it really is a lifelong process. A quick, good, thought provoking read, I'll probably pick it up again someday.
• 
  Michele

  Maybe this will be my year of reading books about mothers. I haven't seen many mother-daughter relationships that weren't fraught with unspoken desires, misplaced expectations, and misunderstandings. I think of this often when I look at my own daughter and I wonder how much of the more recent generations of mothers and their relationships with their daughters were colored by society's rules, propriety, accepted roles for women, and the like. While this book focused on Reichl's mom, she touches often on the larger picture, of women with no other options besides marriage and motherhood. Knowing how difficult parenting can be even as someone who had the luxury of modern family planning and the freedom to choose a variety of paths, I can only imagine what it can do to someone who wanted more than to be recognized solely as a mother.
• 
  Belinda Vlasbaard

  4 sterren - Nederlandse hardcover
  
  I loved this book and want to recommend it to my book club. It is a beautiful and honest book.
  
  Ruth Reichl's relationship with her mother was complicated, to say the least. The discovery of her mother's letters led Reichl to reevaluate her relationship with her mother and is ultimately, a posthumous apology to her mother as she discovered her mother's life. Leaves a lot to think about. It is beautifully written and heartfelt.
  
  Who we can miscommunicate and do not see what is infront of us.
• 
  Shannan

  I had/am having a slightly difficult time processing this book. Luckily it is short, very short - like you could read it in two hours short.
  Here's my thought process as I finish this book. It brings up the age old feminist tale of "don't make me stay in the kitchen, I want a career dammit!" Problem is, what about those woman, much like myself, who chose a career 'in the kitchen' so to speak. This story that Ruth Reichl and her mother tell us is one that insists you are far more than your looks, your family's social position, your marriage, etc. I appreciate this outlook - it's one my own mother and grandmother shared. So the struggle comes when I decide, as a "modern" young feminist, to get married have children and become a homemaker. It throws the slap in my face that I rejected all the hard work of 'Mim', Ruth, and my grandmother. This book is every bit the propaganda we sell young girls - marriage will make you stupid and soft - reject the home and march into the workforce! But why do we insist that girls must do this? It's just as damaging as insisting they marry. I say, give us a CHOICE.
  This book and it's themes are important to consider - right along with The Happy Homemakers Bible. Given the options, men and women in our society thankfully don't necessarily have to wander down the prescribed path. It's fine if girls want a career and reject housekeeping/child rearing. But it is also okay if they choose to embrace it.
• 
  Terri

  This book starts with a bang as Ruth's mother concocts a most disgusting snack of moldy chocolate pudding, old, hard marshmallows and canned peaches for Ruth's Girl Scout troop. I settled in for more.
  
  Ruth's mother, Miriam, was told in clear print in a letter written to her by her father that although she was smart, she was homely and the odds of catching a husband were going to be slim but that should be her goal in life. With that encouragement, Miriam marries and two years later is divorced.
  
  Living in a time when cooking cleaning and being married were, for a woman, the measure of her success, Miriam finds it very difficult to be okay with that for her life's goal. Miriam is determined not to be a typical housewife and becomes increasingly depressed because in the end she is very typical for her day.
  
  Ruth Reichl takes us through her mother's life via a box of letters, news clippings, scrawled notes and paraphernalia to discover who her mother really was.
  
  Unfortunately the story is common and ultimately uninteresting. It is the story of many, many women of the mid century, smart, talented and charming who ultimately end up at home raising a family and not pursuing a career. It seemed to all come down to happiness is finding a fulfilling career. And it rang hollow.
  
• 
  Patricia

  Short, even slight book about an accomplished woman who learns about the dimensions of her mother's life -- after her mother is dead, of course.
  
  It seems probable that Miriam had something on the bipolar spectrum, although this isn't clear. What is clear is that she embarrassed her children and caused them other pains to the point that they each basically seemed to have limited their contact with her in order to protect themselves.
  
  What changes Reichl's view of her mother is a box of letters and notes to herself her mother had written. I do not know whether knowing these things would have been enough to change Reichl's perception of her mother while she was alive. To me, that is a question she does not grapple with. Similarly, I don't think she answers very well for subjecting her mother to very public humiliation in her own memoirs.
  
  As a mother, I have far more in common with Miriam than with Reichl. That is a chasm I imagine Reichl believes she has now closed in her family story. I am not sure.
• 
  Kim

  This book randomly showed up in my mailbox. I didn't do a chain letter or anything! Ashley told me maybe it was because I was meant to read it, so I gave it a try. It was a very thought-provoking read. Ruth Reichl writes a memoir of her mother and how she finally came to understand her. She feels that her mother was unhappy for most of her life because she did not have a career. I agree with her in one sense - meaningful work is important to make one feel useful and happy. I disagree with her in that that meaningful work does not have to be a career. I felt very sad for her mother that she was never able to find joy in the most rewarding job of my life - that of being a wife and mother. Although she came to a different conclusion than I would, I really enjoyed this book and found it entertaining, instructive and thought-provoking.
• 
  Kelsey

  A quick read that I didn't hate or like. It was just okay. There were two ways to really take this book. The first is as a story about a woman finally discovering her mother. I get why this would appeal to many people, but it didn't speak to me. I've always had a good relationship with my mother and I feel like I've come to know her bit by bit as I've matured. The second way is (as a reviewer on the back of the book put it) as "a feminist manifesto" which I hated. Okay, so I guess there is a third way to take this book, because I think the real point of the book (which was obviously lost on the previously mentioned reviewer) is that no matter what the circumstance, YOU are the only person who can make YOU happy. That I agree with.
• 
  Jay Daily Reads

  Beautifully written book about a daughter (Ruth) telling her mom's story, and I feel like everyone who reads this book will get a different message or different messages. But one huge message that I learned from Mim is that one should always do what makes one happy, and please oneself, and love oneself before you do anyone else. Because in the end only you can make YOU happy. Whatever your choices are they should be YOUR choices. And I just loved that message. I feel like if you want to pick up a memoir you should pick this book up it's a quick read with strong messages, and you learn a bit of past generations.
• 
  superawesomekt

  This is a very brief book, but worthwhile WITH the afterword, as the book itself implies that career is more important than family, which I actually don't think Reichl fully intended. It does well describe the pendulum swing of generations—especially during the 20th century with women's liberation—and one woman's angst with the limited options available to women. I think it's good for a modern girl to read this and consider with gratitude how far we have come and also to take responsibility for one's own happiness—regardless of what one chooses. A thoughtful, anecdotal-style reminiscence that doesn't have the answers.
• 
  Karen

  I really liked examining what Reichl set out to examine in this book- the changing roles of women between her mother's generation and her own. What I didn't like was how short the book was. With an introduction explaining how important it was to her to write a book examining her mother's life, and an afterward talking about the same thing, you would have thought she'd have found more to write about than this skinny book. But it was a conversation-starter for me to think about and discuss the opportunities of my own mother and grandmothers, which, I think, may have been Reichl's goal.
• 
  Michelle

  A great recommendation from my friend Susan! This one is a "thinker". I thought it might be a typical Mother's Day type book but instead it is an honest soul-searching book of a mother-daughter relationship that is complex. As my children have grown older it is interesting to overhear their perspective of events when they were younger...such as an childhood event that one child sees as spectacular while the other sibling found it irritating. What messages do we send our children in the way we live our lives? Interesting thoughts!
• 
  Kathy Halsan

  Reichl has written several books and they are quite good. Her Mother is frequently in the books as a kind of quirky mother/housewife of the 50s. I saw it my mother as did many of you of my age. Our mothers had no choice, but to be housewives and they were bred to tears. Thank goodness for the "Women's Movement" which now allows a choice for women. The story of Ruth'd mother is definitely worth a read.
• 
  Lena

  I loved the first couple of books I read by Ruth Reichl - particularly Tender at the Bone. That one I found funny, fascinating and could not put down. However, For You Mom, Finally - it was good, it was interesting - but you sort had to have read other books by this author to really enjoy and then finish it, even if it was short. However - I will definitely read any and all books by Ruth Reichl in the future.
• 
  Kim

  a good book to read
• 
  Fiona

  A short read, makes me appreciate moms and what they try to do for their kids and I am glad I am of the generation I am.
• 
  Pam

  This a little book full of honest insights which provokes much thought. Would be a good book discussion book.
• 
  Deb

  This was the second Ruth Reichl book I read. The first was Garlic and Sapphires, which I didn't love, but found interesting enough that I promptly purchased two more Reichl books - this one and Tender at the Bone. I decided to read this one first and I am glad I did. This is one of those books that starts out slow and dull and the reader thinks, "wow, I really don't like this book," but by the end of it, you realize that this short 120 page book may have been life changing. Ruth Reichl writes authentically about her mother, in a way that made me think of my own mother, my own relationships - especially the one I have with myself - and the kind of parent I had been to my own children. It made me think about life, the choices we make and why we make them. What do we tell ourselves, over and over that holds us back? Why does happiness seem so elusive? Why are we just never good enough? Truly an interesting and thought-provoking book, with an impact far greater than its length. Highly recommended.
• 
  Deirdre Keating

  Fascinating. A secret Santa gifted this book to me a couple years ago, knowing I adored Ruth Reichl. I was immediately disappointed by the title——I didn’t want Ruth to repaint her mother in a positive light now that she was dead. I wish I had known it was originally titled, “Not Becoming My Mother.”
  
  I also wish I could read the original book Ruth wrote, that took a more universal look at the issue—I would love to hear the perspectives of women whose mothers did have careers and how they chose differently. The Afterward might be the best part.
  
  This book takes the perspective that most hope to eventually—of forgiving one’s parents for their failings offering compassion for what caused them to fail (as all parents inevitable do to different extents). It’s a healthy way to live, but doesn’t make as good storytelling as the Mim Tales of Reichl’s early work.
• 
  Natalie

  Short and sweet. I’ll read anything Ruth writes;
  I find her so easy to read. This was a very brief tribute to her mom, exploring the lessons her mom taught her via their differences. Without her afterword, the “women must have a career to have worth” storyline might’ve seemed her intent, but I actually think she intended to open up a conversation about the changing role of women—she touched on this in describing the various ways people reacted to her book on her tour. I think I’ve now read everything she’s written. If you’re new to Ruth reichl definitely start with her earlier memoirs!