Ett oväntat fel har inträffat. by Alain de Botton

Ett oväntat fel har inträffat. Reviews

• 
  Jill I. Shtulman

  Once, early on in my marriage, my husband and I had a particularly intense fight over a ridiculously trivial matter. I barely remember the topic – something about where to hang some artwork – but I vividly recall that frightening feeling that I had made a ghastly mistake in joining our futures together.
  
  Enter Alain De Botton. I wish I could advise my younger self to have read his book. De Botton employs an everyman and everywoman – in this case, Rahib, a non religious budding architect from Beirut and Kirsten, a woman who had been abandoned early on in life by her father. Sparks fly and we follow the two of them through the course of love – infatuation, wedding, children, disillusionment, adultery, and finally, maturity.
  
  Rahib and Kirsten are just foils for the author’s theme: falling in love is easy but maintaining that love is the real challenge. No one, after all, is perfect. “Rather than split up,” the author writes, “We may need to tell ourselves accurate stories – stories that don’t dwell so much on the beginning, that don’t promise us complete understanding, that strive to normalize our troubles and show us a melancholy yet hopeful path through the course of love.” Each step of Rahib and Kirsten’s relationship is met with an evaluation – even an analysis – of what, precisely, is going on in their heads. The primal needs of this everyman and everywoman still demand attention as they reach adulthood and parenthood and much of their disillusionment stems from a desire to have the partner magically understand what those needs are…without appearing too vulnerable.
  
  There is a problem with presenting the course of love through the eyes of surrogates. This reading experience is bound to be intensely personal, and when it deviates too much from the reader’s own experience, there is a waning interest. My husband, and I, for example, never had kids together, and I found myself not all that interested in Rahib and Kirsten’s parenthood experiences.
  
  Yet the conclusions – that Romantic ideas of love are a recipe for disaster and that one can only be in love when one has given up on perfection – is compelling. “Rather than notional idea of perfect complementarity, it is the capacity to tolerate dissimilarity that is the true marker of the “right” person.” My husband and I are still going strong after reaching that conclusion. To my mind, this book should be de rigueur reading for every couple contemplating marriage and every couple who wonders why their own marriage isn’t 100% perfect all the time (which is the vast majority of us!)
• 
  BookItForward.Blog

  I LOVED this little book. It feels like a how to manual for anyone in a relationship or anyone who has been through a long term relationship. I didn’t always love the main characters each for different reasons at different times, but that really depicted an honest feeling as to how they were feeling towards each other at the time as well. Coming in at only 241 pages, it is a quick read kind of. I say kind of because there were many times I had to re read passages because of how amazing and quotable this story is. Rather than give you a traditional review, I am going to post the books synopsis and give you some of my favorite quotes. I highlighted so many parts of this book that when I was done my list of highlights was over 50 long! The cover of this novel is also very beautiful. I read it on my Kindle but have ordered it to put on my bookshelf. I really think that when you not only love a book but admire its beauty, it deserves a place on your shelf.
• 
  Prix

  We got married a little less than two months ago and suddenly found ourselves arguing over little stuff often than what we considered “normal”.
  I was liking this book and to be honest, when I got to the part where he has an affair, I almost ripped it in half and threw it in the trash.
  To me, being unfaithful is an absolute deal breaker. But I gave it another chance and continued reading, hoping that the book may offer an insight on why it all happens.
  The book proven to be very informative, I ended up highlighting sentences that can be used as a daily guide or reminder of what shouldn’t be done in a similar situation.
  I feel so grateful that I ended up understanding about myself and my husband’s thought process. I really like this book and I would absolutely recommend to all the engaged and newlywed couples out there.
• 
  Christina

  If you have watched Alain de Botton's video summarizing this book (well worth watching), not much in this book will come as a surprise. If you haven't, hold on and prepare to take what you think about love and get ready to throw it out the window.
  
  While this novel is not as poetic as his brilliant Art of Travel, it is no less thought provoking. De Botton challenges the reader to reevaluate their views on love, marriage, and parenting. He gives insight into how our preconceptions of the perfect romantic love have set us up for disappointment and frustration. He also offers some ideas on how to have realistic expectations of our lovers and of ourselves and how important communication is.
  
  I have only given this book 4 stars only because it is not the most compelling novel you will read, but it is without a doubt worth reading.
  
  I'm not certain that I agree with everything he's written here, but I feel that it's raised many questions in my head that need to be reconsidered in the way I approach relationships going forward.
  
  The thoughts presented in this book will be kicking around in my head for months if not years to come.
• 
  Patrick B. Gordy-stith

  Alain De Botton takes on the deceptions on Romanticism through the course of a relationship and marriage, offering a less flashy, realistic view of monogamous life long love that is at once both mundane and profoundly hopeful. If you’ve watched videos of his talks on marriage, love, and romanticism, some of this will be a helpful summation and clarification. Which is good enough in itself. Yet there are also deeper explorations and connections you won’t find in his talks (notably the complexity of adultery and betrayal, and the value of therapy and introspection). There is much wisdom here, even if some of it is couched in fairly simplistic psychotherapeutic terms (e.g., all of us suffer from necessarily inadequate parenting). As a pastoral counselor of many couple preparing for marriage and struggling with marriage and relationship issues, including parenting, infidelity, and empty nest adjustment, so many things here ring poignantly true.
• 
  Mr. Othniel Smith

  An intellectually rigorous take on the subject of long term relationships, taking the form of a narrative, punctuated by the author's philosophical reflections.
  
  We follow a middle class couple, each of whom has considerable emotional baggage, from their first meeting, well into marriage, parenthood, career problems, infidelity (the spoiler is amongst the chapter headings) and beyond. De Botton gives some fascinating insights throughout, reflecting on the issues, both individual and cultural, which prompt each to behave in a certain way, and thus pointing out how certain pitfalls can be avoided, or at least how the harm caused might be minimised.
  
  The focus is squarely on the male protagonist; and it might be argued that some of the points de Botton makes are commonsensical but they are articulated with such perceptiveness and intelligence that one finds oneself marvelling at the complexity, and perhaps the impossibility, of meaningful intimate co existence.
  
  It's a short read split into bite sized chapters, and is the perfect antidote to the fantasy woven by most fictions which focus on this most vital of issues profound and refreshingly uncynical.
• 
  TC

  I will admit I found it boring at places
  
  Having read probably most of Alain books, I was expecting of the same (not that it's bad), especially after watching the talk from his book tour (available on YT) before buying the book. However it is a novel, as advertised, and therefore a bit different. Alain will occasionally 'lecture' throughout the book, mostly on italic sections, but for the rest, the lessons will be taught will the history progression. I will admit I found it boring at places, and as it often happens with 'real' characters on books, it was hard to love the leading characters, but slowly the book will grip you, even if some lessons are predictable. An important book for people about to embark on a relationship anyway, specially if you want it to last.
• 
  Marina Marangos

  I was reluctant to pick up this book but have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It was eminently readable and digestible, humorous and unsettling but very down to earth and sensible in the advice it was giving out. He achieved this through narrating a couples life, their encounter, falling in love, getting married and then subsequently having children, affairs and drifting apart. All the scenarios are what most people meet in their lives and have to deal with. Some manage better then others. For those who dont manage it well, this is just a little reminder of how we need to see things from both partners points of view, look at childhood and expectations and how we respond to situations. Quick and easy read and wonderfully instructive.
• 
  Dr

  My wife loved it and read it in a night. I am halfway through and totally gripped.
  
  It's a simple but very engaging story with many 'so it's not just me' moments and much humour whilst providing a reflection on modern life.
  
  Whatever genre you read I would recommend this book. I am of a Jack Reacher reader but found the story and quality of writing excellent.
• 
  Henry

  I found it funny yet again, to read another persons attempt at trying to elaborate in futility this inexplicable phenomena we modestly call 'love'.
  
  only message I took from this book is that arguments are normal and if you cheat on your wife it's fine as long as you don't admit to it.
  
  Author doesn't know what message he's trying to send here. Garbage.